My life right now seems to be more work and less play that it has been recently. Most of my time is spent in class, working, studying, and planning my wedding. Other than that I get to finally spend time with my best friend and fiance, who is finally here in Chicago with me. It's been a blessing and enriched my life to have him here. I want to see him as much as I can, as we continue to encourage each other more fully every day.

But am I missing something? Tonight my friend said, "everyone is talking about all your preparations" (for the wedding). "They are asking, 'Where is Kelly?' ". I have been trying not to talk about it constantly, and not share every detail with every person, but I felt like it's as if they think I'm becoming non-existent here. It is hard to explain to people who don't fully know you, your background, your relationships nor your heart, why you do the things you do. With the news of my engagement being spread in the community I live in, I am constantly finding myself in defense of the decisions Chris and I have made about getting married. I have found that I can not expect everyone to understand, or rejoice with me, so I seek to hide things within my heart, with the assurance of God's approval and hand upon me and Chris. He knows my heart. I live for Him, not others. That's hard to remember sometimes...

I am seeking to further my relationships this semester, but now wonder if I am failing at that. Or, if I do not need to question the specific situations which God has divinely placed me in. I am in a completely new season of life, which I have never experienced before. It is a blessing and a challenge, as I enjoy all that it contains, and struggle with finding those who understand and support this season. Who can I relate to here? I feel as if I have aged 20 years more than everyone else, and in some ways we don't connect anymore.

I am enjoying and embracing all that I'm involved in right now. I am extremely blessed. It's just a little harder to embraces the bumpy times.

My greatest hope is to hold myself in a manner worthy of the calling of Christ. He is the only one who knows my heart, and He can form me and mold me into becoming a woman of God. He is unchanging. He is forever.